"Dear Matt,
Ah well, that's just sad isn't it. I just showed Tim, and he believes this to be the work of a very angry young man. Me, I believe otherwise. I believe this to be the work of a bitter, impotent, jealous little man who should be pitied, not reviled.
He's obviously operating under the impression that England still has an empire and still matters to the world, rather than being the backward-looking, Dickensian joke that it is today.
He's obviously carrying a grudge against Australians, possibly because some blond, tanned, Australian backpacking chick spurned his romantic advances when he was seventeen, and possibly spat on him as well.
Mind you, when I look outside at the bright blue Sydney sky on this clam 24 degree day, with not a cloud to be seen, and consider that it's going to be like this all "winter", I can perhaps begin to grasp his futile lashing out at those who, let's face it, have a better life than him.
An he's obviously a little bit dumb. Perhaps he can't read properly, or he would have seen that Tim is in fact Welsh, not Australian. He doesn't seem to understand his is not a joke, not fun, this is a serious invitation to a respected person, not a bit of silliness to get attention on the internet.
So be gentle with the man, young Matt, for we should always treat those less fortunate than us with kindness and pity, unless the little toe-rags push us too far.
Cheers,
Chris."